Saturday, March 7, 2009

Makin the Pinewood


Cousin Gabe came to visit this weekend. Always a good time. Brian had his Pinewood Derby coming up and in the interest of keepin the peace and keepin Brian focused we bought an extra kit for gabe. We all had a good time and made some way awesome cars.


These cars are way to cool to smile about.




Brian went with a basic wedge design.





Gabe wanted the same and would not be talked out of it.






The funniest thing said all day was when I helped Gabe make the rough cuts with my miter saw. Little guy didn't say anything when I was talking about making the cut or when we actually made the cut, but the second we got done he says, "My mom is going to be so mad at you for letting me use that bad boy!"




Nathan wasn't about to be left out!

We had to dig out a rain gutter regatta kit.





Silvia was worried about me...lets say, expressing myself to enthusiastically on Brian's car, so she bought me one too. I totally went Night Rider on it!


Friday, March 6, 2009

Things rookie cops think are cool at first, but soon get tired of

1. Having people be scared to pass you.
-At first you are, “that’s right! You better not….there you go, get in line- he, he, he.”
-After a while it’s no fun always being at the head of your own little parade.
-Note: If you accidentally pass me going way to fast, do not compound your transgression by quickly pulling into the slow lane in front of me and slamming on your brakes; or just as bad, camp out in my blind spot for ten miles. If you weren’t going to get pulled over for speeding, you might now get pulled over for aggravated criminal annoyance.


Carrying a firearm off duty.
-At first you are, “yah buddy, I’m strapped.” (and usually with about the biggest gun they make a holster for)
-Later you realize that it is like having another kid to babysit except it never does anything cute. -You soon down grade to the tiniest gun that can still be called one.
-Say goodbye to hanging upside down on the monkey bars or any other fun spontaneous activity that could threaten to dislodge the uncomfortable bulging chunk of metal in your waste band.
-No more daisy dukes, banana hammocks, or other types of clothing that other joes get the right to embarrass themselves in. (I look awesome in a belly shirt and low-rider jeans)


Body Armor.
-At first you feel like the Black Night in Monty Python, “I’m invincible!”
-Later you realize you are simulating being three months pregnant 12 hours a day.
-They get to smelling funny real quick.
-If you didn’t have a paunch before, you do now!


Wearing police t-shirts / driving duty vehicle / anything that shows you are a cop off duty.
-At first you are like, “Why yes mam, I am a police officer, how may I assist you?”
-Later its like any other job, you want to be OFF when you are off.


Shoulder rigs: (this one for the rookie detectives)
-Look out Crocket!
-Later you realize, there is a big chunk of metal in my armpit
-I just paid $150.00 for this piece of leather that I am not going to wear again.
-Men were blessed in that we do not have to submit ourselves to bra straps and the like, unless you think the shoulder rig is just to cool not to wear.


People asking you if you have ever shot someone.
-On second thought, I never thought this one was cool


People asking you for legal advise
-At first you are, “In the land mark case Stoner V California (actual case law-Stoner, makes me laugh) the courts decided……”
-Later you are, “you want to know what I would do if the no good police gave me a ticket for speeding? I would pay the ticket and stop speeding.”
-I get paid one tenth what a defense attorney gets, and am one tenth as educated why should I provide the same service?
-You don’t trust me with your SSN on a witness statement yet you would take advice from me on a legal matter?


Seeing someone you arrested off duty.
-At first you are, “you see that guy over there? Yah, I hooked him up on a dope charge.”
-After a while you are, “don’t make eye contact, don’t make eye contact, don’t make- d’oh! So John, how are you doin? Stayin out of trouble? I see your road rash is healin up nicely. Well say hi to the misses for me, once the stalking injunction is lifted, won’t yah?”
-I don’t want bad guys to even think my existence extends at all beyond my work.


Running lights and siren
-At first you are, “(to top gun theme) highway to the danger zone- duh, duh, duh, take me right out in the danger zo-o-o-ne!”
-After a while you realize that you can usually get there almost as fast with your lights off and don’t risk having someone piling up into you.
-People do some really dumb things when they don’t notice you at first then all the sudden have you right in their review mirror with lights and sirens blazing. (pulling to the left, slowing down, coming to a complete stop in the lane of travel)


Going to Court.
-At first you are, “let justice prevail!!”
-Later you realize that our system lets bad guys go all the time and that if they are willing to spend enough money they have a good chance of getting off, even if you have a good case.
-You realize that ninety percent of a trial is the defense attacking the officer and only ten percent the prosecutor attacking the suspect.
-The jury never gets to hear all the facts, this is especially frustrating when the facts that are being suppressed clearly show that the suspect is a dirt bag, but are too “prejudicial” for the jury to hear.
-Defense attorneys get paid a lot more and are able to devote a ton more time to a case then the prosecutor who generally has ten other cases on his docket.


Training
-At first you are, “I’m going to learn to do what? …and I won’t get in trouble for it?...and they're going to pay me?”
-Later you are, “I’m so tired; they never schedule training for people on graves, I already took this class last year, its cold out on the range, it’s my day off and I want to be at home, on my couch, in my underwear, with a beer, watching Family Guy, and scratching myself inappropriately.”


Women trying to flirt their way out of a ticket.
-OK, this one is still kind of cool but:
-generally not effective. If you need a ticket you are most likely going to get a ticket.
-No one ever talks themselves out of a ticket.
-However, people do occasionally talk themselves into a ticket.


Disclaimer:
Nothing in this post is meant to make anyone believe that I don’t like doing what I do. I have the best job in the world. I imagine that people of all trades could make a list just as long. Somethings just loose their savor after a while.